Vivian Tu’s 4 Money Questions Every Couple Must Ask Before Marriage

A listener wrote in to Vivian Tu’s podcast Networth and Chill with a story that should be required reading before anyone combines finances with a partner. She had paid off her partner’s truck and credit card debt. Two weeks later, he left her. Because the assets were entirely in his name, she had no legal claim to any of it. “You don’t even own part of the truck,” Tu told the listener.

Tu, a former Wall Street trader turned financial educator, has four questions every couple should answer out loud before any major financial entanglement. Skipping any one of the four questions can turn relationships into financial fire sales, she said.

Question 1: What Do You Make?

Get the actual annual income number on the table. Not a range. Not “around six figures.” Not “it varies.” A real, pre-tax dollar figure, Tu said.

This is the foundation everything else gets measured against. You cannot assess whether a $900 truck payment is reasonable without knowing whether the paycheck behind it is $55,000 or $155,000. If a partner cannot say their income within $5,000, they either do not track it or do not want you to know it. Both are problems, according to Tu.

Question 2: What Do You Have?

Pull up the statements together. Checking, savings, brokerage, 401(k), IRA, HSA, equity in the car, equity in the home. Screenshots count. Verbal estimates do not, Tu advised.

The listener’s story provides a good example of the risks. She paid down liabilities tied to assets she did not legally own. Marriage and shared accounts change the ownership picture, but only for what is titled jointly or acquired during the marriage in most states. A truck in his name stays his truck. A brokerage account opened before the wedding usually stays separate property. Knowing whose name is on what is the difference between building wealth together and subsidizing a partner who can walk away with all of it.

Question 3: What Do You Owe?

Every loan. Every card. Every balance. Student loans, auto loans, credit cards, personal loans, medical debt, the $4,000 owed to a brother for the bachelor party. All of it, Tu insisted.

Debt itself is normal. The red flag is debt without a payoff plan, Tu said. A partner who owes $40,000 in student loans and can name the interest rate, the monthly payment, and the year they will be debt-free is a partner with a plan. A partner who shrugs is a partner who expects someone else to solve it.

Question 4: What Do You Spend?

Recurring monthly expenses, plus the splurges. Rent or mortgage, car payment, insurance, subscriptions, dining out, travel, the gym, the dog walker.

The test Tu uses is whether the lifestyle actually matches the income. As she puts it, you need to assess whether “frankly they can afford it.” A partner driving a leased luxury SUV on a $60,000 salary while carrying revolving credit card debt is financing an image, not living a life they can afford, she said.

Have the Conversation Before, Not After

Tu’s promise to her listeners is simple: “If you have that money conversation well in advance, you’ll be in a much better spot the next go around.” Schedule the talk before the joint account, before the co-signed lease, before the engagement ring, and definitely before you write a check to pay off a partner’s debt. Consider it just another critical prerequisite for a happy relationship.