Fidelity’s Family Engagement Founder Says Parents Past 70 Get Less Willing to Talk Estate Plans. Have the Conversation Before Then

Timothy Habbershon, managing director and founder of the Fidelity Center for Family Engagement, has watched many families try to talk about money across generations, and his warning is frank: “As people get older, especially past 70, they often become less willing to talk about things like estate planning.” He shared that observation with Adam Shell in a Kiplinger feature on how the great wealth transfer is creating a new generation of family CFOs.

Shell’s Kiplinger piece frames that conversation as a gift to the family. Habbershon describes it as a unique opportunity to “create confidence, closeness and peace of mind for years to come,” and points out that millions of families are going through generational transitions. If your parents are nearing that age, your family is one of them, and the calendar is working against you.

Few delays in family finance are more common than this. Suze Orman urged listeners of her Women & Money podcast to “have the courage to speak to your elderly parents or in laws about how their assets are set up, what their wishes are.” The word courage is doing real work there. Most adult children know they should ask. They keep waiting for a better moment, and the better moment keeps slipping away.

Capacity Is the Asset Families Lose Without Warning

Timing is the single biggest factor in this scenario, and it outweighs the size of the portfolio, the number of accounts, or the tax picture. Kiplinger’s best case is to sit down with aging parents while they are still capable of making financial decisions and before a crisis strikes, such as the onset of dementia.

Here is why that matters in dollars. A durable power of attorney, updated beneficiary designations, and a revocable trust all require a parent who can legally sign. Once capacity is in question, families often end up in court seeking guardianship or conservatorship, a process that is public, slow, and costly. A plan that takes a couple of attorney meetings today can turn into a court proceeding that ties up accounts for months.

Willingness fades too, per Habbershon’s observation. You are racing two deadlines at once: your parent’s ability to decide and their appetite to discuss it.

How Families Get Drafted Into the Job

When families wait, the family CFO role usually gets created suddenly. Kiplinger describes the triggers: unpaid bills surface, a suspicious bank wire request appears, or a parent falls prey to a scammer. Each of those arrives with money already at risk and no plan for who is allowed to act.

Missing the window is common. A Morning Consult survey sponsored by Kiplinger found that roughly two in five families have never discussed the plans for passing on money and assets.

Start Now or Wait for a Crisis: Choose the First

Path one is to start the conversation while your parents are sharp and in control. The tradeoff is discomfort. Parents may feel it is premature, or worry that you are angling for an inheritance. Tyler Rosser, managing director at Oxford Financial Group, told Kiplinger: “It starts with a conversation with the older parents and getting their buy-in.” Buy-in is only possible while they can still give it.

Path two is to wait until something forces the issue. Its only advantage is skipping an awkward dinner. The cost is taking over a parent’s finances during an emergency, possibly without legal authority, while guessing at wishes nobody wrote down. For most families, this path is clearly worse.

A low-stakes opener helps. The 2027 Social Security cost-of-living adjustment is tracking toward 3.3%, and asking how that raise fits their budget is a natural path into bigger questions. A MarketWatch piece this week also suggested asking parents about their estate plan with questions other than “How much money do you have?”

What to Settle Before Your Parent’s Next Birthday

First, evaluate where your parents sit relative to the age Habbershon noted and how confidently they handle bills today. If they are close to that line, schedule the first conversation within the next few months. Lead with their wishes, who they trust, and where key documents live.

Second, avoid treating this as a single sit-down. Kiplinger lays out six steps to acting as a family CFO, and this conversation is step one. Expect follow-ups covering documents, accounts, and who gets authority to act (we put the full checklist, beneficiary forms and titling included, in a free estate guide here).

If a parent is already showing memory lapses, bring in an elder law attorney now. Legal capacity to sign becomes the deciding factor at that point, and a specialist can often still get documents executed during a clear stretch that a family on its own would likely miss.

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