A Ramsey Show caller named Beth admitted she had been putting purchases on credit cards behind her husband’s back, racking up $21,000 in debt. Beth earns $140,000 out of a total household income of $230,000.
“This is a little bit of a middle finger, isn’t it?” co-host Ken Coleman said bluntly, cutting straight to the heart of the situation.
Beth’s proposed solution was to take out a 401(k) loan to pay off the credit cards. Coleman rejected it immediately. “This is not a win financially, right?” he said, adding that it’s also a bad move for the relationship.
Moving debt from a credit card to a retirement account introduces new risks. If Beth leaves or loses her job, the outstanding loan balance typically becomes due within a short window. If she can’t repay it, the IRS treats the balance as a taxable distribution, and depending on her age, a 10% early withdrawal penalty stacks on top of ordinary income tax.
Co-host Jade Warshaw pressed Beth on the underlying numbers. “You make $230,000,” Warshaw said. “The median is like $80,000. So you’re doing extremely well.” According to the U.S. Census Bureau, median household income was $83,730 in 2024, meaning Beth’s household earns nearly three times the national midpoint. On a monthly take-home of around $14,000 to $15,000, there is plenty of room in any reasonable budget for a vacation, a wedding gift, or a meal out.
But the issue was never affordability, Beth said. Her husband is “a bit of a tightwad. He doesn’t believe in vacations. He’s content if we don’t eat out. We’re sharing one vehicle.” Meanwhile, Beth watches her coworkers travel while she lives under strict frugality. She also admitted to using the credit card to help their adult children without her husband’s knowledge.
“Those weddings, those baby showers, those one-off things that you were talking about, there’s absolutely no reason that that should not be a line item in the budget,” Warshaw said. On a $230,000 income, a $200 wedding gift or a $500 trip should not require secrecy. The debt was never really about the purchases. It was about reclaiming agency in a household where Beth felt financially controlled.
The Fix Coleman Prescribed
Coleman’s prescription was direct: “No 401k loan. You’re going to hate yourself for that. Trust me. What you need to do is have a candlelight dinner with ‘Squeaky,’ and let’s get on the same page finally in our marriage, and let’s tell each other how we really feel.”
The $21,000 is payable on a $230,000 income without touching retirement savings, Coleman suggested. A household earning that much could retire the credit card balance in a few months and still build savings alongside it.
The conversation Beth actually needs to have is not about a debt repayment strategy. It is about what kind of life both spouses are trying to build, and whether they have ever agreed on the answer. That agreement has to cover spending, saving, and whether supporting adult children is part of the plan at all.
“We agree [the husband] needs to loosen up,” Coleman said. “Yes, yes he does. But you can solve this. You don’t need the debt. You don’t need the middle finger part of it either.”
Editor’s note: This article was updated to reflect that Ken Coleman departed The Ramsey Show and Ramsey Solutions in late April 2026 to accept a Director of Communications role at another firm, and to note that the U.S. Census Bureau’s most recent median household income figure (2024) is $83,730.
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