My fiancé won’t stop funding his family’s luxurious lifestyle and won’t save money for our future – what can I do?

Managing money in a relationship can be complicated and things can get even worse when your partner’s family also becomes involved in money matters. This is the case for a Reddit poster who is having a problem because her fiancé will not stop funding his family’s lavish lifestyle.

The original poster (OP) is upset that her fiancé is making the choice to spend most or all of his income on helping his family maintain their mansion and luxury cars while she gets stuck with the couple’s bills and they no longer have as much money to put toward joint goals.

In this situation, the OP has some important decisions to make — and she’ll need to make sure that she and her fiancé can get on the same page before going through with the wedding. 

Demanding parents are causing big problems

According to the OP, her partner’s family has fallen on financial hard times despite always having a lot of money. It is unclear how long the financial crisis will last, or if it will be resolved at all. But, instead of cutting back on spending, her fiancé’s parents are pushing him to give them more and more money so they don’t have to make any lifestyle changes.

While the OP initially was not sure if her fiancé was happy with the arrangement, she later updated her post to say that he was feeling pressured, was skimping on food, and was being asked to take a $100K loan to give his parents even more money. While he has so far managed to say no to the loan, he seems to be having a difficult time addressing the matter with any sort of finality. 

The OP, however, is worried because of the fact that she’s the higher earner, and she has serious concerns about whether she will have to continue to fund the couple’s entire lifestyle while his parents take his money. 

What to do when you have money issues with your partner’s family

The Reddit user is absolutely right to be concerned about this situation. Her fiancé’s parents are clearly comfortable taking advantage of their son and are more than willing to try to guilt him into making bad financial decisions that could have dire consequences.  Worse, their son doesn’t seem to be able to stand up to his parents and put a stop to the situation and he is even considering taking out the loan that they have asked him to. 

The sad reality is that if the fiancé does not learn how to stop his parents’ behavior the OP is likely going to experience them pushing boundaries and taking advantage of them in all sorts of ways throughout her life.

When you get married, you marry the person’s family as well as marrying the person. In this case, that’s not a great deal for the OP because she’s marrying into a family of manipulative people who take advantage of their child — and her partner can’t or won’t put a stop to it. 

The OP should seriously consider whether she can live with this situation for the long term, especially if the financial burden mostly falls on her because she earns more. If she does decide to go forward with the marriage, she will need to be sure and take steps to protect herself and her finances by getting a prenup — but before she does, she may want to issue an ultimatum.

If her fiancé can’t learn to say a clear no and set boundaries that he makes his parents respect, the OP may want to get out of this situation — or at least avoid tying the knot and binding herself to these people until she’s 100% sure she can live with that.