Suze Orman’s Sober Advice to Anyone Who’s Lost Their Spouse

Two weeks after her husband died unexpectedly at age 52, a 54-year-old widow who had been married for 27 years sat down to write an email to financial guru Suze Orman. She signed it “Broken Heart.” The woman has two college-age children and is suddenly responsible for her late husband’s 401(k), IRA, and life insurance proceeds. She wanted to know whether to keep the retirement accounts as they were, how to invest the insurance money, and whether to hire a financial advisor.

“I am sorry, my mind is everywhere,” she said. “To write this email is difficult. I feel so much guilt to deal with his money that he can’t spend anymore.”

Orman read the email on a recent Women & Money podcast. Orman’s advice was to do nothing right away. “Two weeks ago. And she’s writing about the money,” Orman said. Her rule for the initial days after a death or divorce: “You are to do absolutely nothing other than keep it safe and sound after experiencing the loss of a loved one.”

A grieving brain is not a planning brain. Decisions made in the first weeks after a death tend to be large, permanent, and tied to products that carry surrender charges, tax consequences, or fraud risk. A 401(k) rolled into the wrong annuity can lock up funds for years. Life insurance proceeds dropped into a variable product can lose principal. A hastily sold home cannot be unsold. The cost of waiting six months in a high-yield savings account or Treasury bills is a few months of foregone returns. The cost of acting in week two can be the entire payout.

Orman has watched this play out across decades of client work. “Most of the time when I was actually seeing clients and something like this happened, even 6 months afterwards, they would come in, I would tell them what to do, and then 3 weeks later they’d come back and go, ‘What did you say?'”

Reframing the guilt

The widow mentioned guilt about touching money her husband could no longer enjoy. Orman flipped the script. “You feel so bad because he can’t spend his money anymore,” she said. “Do you know how bad he would feel if he knew you wasted it and did something silly with it? Take care of your children, take care of yourself, and just keep everything safe and sound for now.”

Then the timeline. “Biggest mistake people make, when they suffer the loss of somebody, they think they have to deal with the money right away,” Orman said. “And that’s when they do things that are so horrific I can’t even tell you.” Her recommended waiting period: 6 months to a year or even two years.

Orman shared the story of a former client who received a $1 million life insurance payout. The insurance agent “right after the husband died, shows up at her house and says, ‘I have a check here for you,'” Orman recalled. “‘Just sign it on the back and I’ll deposit it for you and everything will be okay.’ She signed it.” The agent took the money. “They never could get it back.”

What to do in the first year

Orman carved out one narrow exception. A widow could pay off debts like the mortgage if she is planning to stay in the house. On hiring a financial advisor right now, she was firm: “I would advise you please don’t, because who knows what they’re going to tell you to do. And I want to make sure that you don’t do anything that could be a mistake. I don’t want you to have any regrets.”

If you have lost someone, or you are helping someone who has, here’s a suggested action list:

1. Move life insurance proceeds and any liquid inheritance into FDIC-insured savings or short-term Treasury bills. The goal is preservation of principal, not yield.
2. Leave the deceased’s 401(k) and IRA exactly where they are for now. Inherited account rules give you time.
3. Do not sign anything an insurance agent, advisor, or relative hands you in the first weeks. Endorsing a check on the back can transfer the funds.
4. Pay off the mortgage only if you are certain you are staying in the home for years. Otherwise wait.
5. After 6 months or a year has passed, revisit your inherited assets and research the options. Consider hiring a financial advisor if you need help but be careful to select the right person.