The 100 Least Powerful People Under 100

Posted: February 16, 2010 at 12:56 pm

RANK	NAME/TITLE	EXPLANATION
81	Kara DioGuardi, American Idol Judge	The replacement for Paula Abdul, this American Idol Judge, could never replace Paula in the hearts of Idol’s viewers. Also, no one remembers her name.
82	Owen Van Natta, MySpace CEO	Former king of social media exiled from News Corp after failed power bid.
83	Carrie Prejean, Former Miss California	Old: Miss California insults homosexuals, politicians call for her resignation. New: star of the latest sex tape scandal.
84	Rep. Dennis Kucinich, Ohio Congressman	A perennial presidential also-ran who is portrayed as a clown by the media. Undeservedly beautiful wife not enough to keep him off the list.
85	Jim Zorn, Former NFL coach	Old: New head coach enters the season with big-contract players and high expectations. New: Embarrassing record, is slowly stripped of play calling powers, then fired.
86	Anil Ambani, Indian Billionaire	Indian mogul famous for losing $30 billion in a single year, 2008. The number two biggest loser of that year? His brother.
87	Jon Rubinstein, CEO of Palm	Attempts to launch new smartphone have utterly failed. Company will be lucky to last as pressure from iPhone and Blackberry mounts.
88	Mark McGwire, Former MLB Player	One of the greatest heroes in baseball history during the 1998 season, McGuire now sits in the hall of shame with Pete Rose.
89	Jerry Yang, Former CEO of Yahoo	Founder and one time CEO of Yahoo! will be remembered for turning down one of the sweetest corporate acquisition offers in history. Recently began dumping company shares.
90	Admiral Aranda, Chief Naval Officer of Bolivia	Runs Naval Forces of a land-locked country that can’t afford a navy. Enough said.
91	Jimmy Carter, Former U.S. President	Carter is one of the most impotent living ex-presidents in history. His four years in office will be little more than a footnote in the annals of the American presidency. Currently 85 years of age.
92	Brian Tierney, Publisher	Former P.R. executive made humiliating attempt to resurrect Philly newspapers. Likely to lose control to creditors.
93	Eddy Murphy, Comedian	Was number one box office star for nearly a decade. Now headlines children’s films that no one wants to see.
94	Carson Daly, Host of NBC’s Last Call With Carson Daly	Former TRL host wishes he was popular enough to be fired by NBC, they’ve probably forgotten about him.
95	Kanye West, Rapper	Embarrases self at Grammys; not invited to Haiti celebrity benefit after Katrina outburst.
96	Ron Marshall, Former CEO of Borders	Deserted #2 American book chain as it prepares to go under in an “Amazon-ed” world.
97	Ray Elliot, CEO of Boston Scientific	Company has unprecedented history of failure in the medical supply industry. Just agreed to pay Johnson & Johnson $1.7 billion in patent settlements.
98	Roland C. Smith, Wendy’s/Arby’s CEO	Presides over the weakest brands in fast foods. McDonald’s continues to take industry market share.
99	Graham Lintott, Vice-Marshal of the New Zealand Air Force	The Royal New Zealand Air Force is comically small, featuring only a few helicopters and transport planes. Any single American fighter pilot has more power than Lintott.
100	Al Gore, Former Vice President	Global warming refuseniks are winning battle over temperature control. Gore also lap-dog on Steve Jobs’ board of directors. Now seeks visibility as guest star on “30 Rock.”