My uncle was caught off guard when he found out I knew he wouldn’t be inheriting anything – should I have told him?

A Reddit user is facing a tricky family situation right now, as his uncle is angry at him for not sharing information about his grandmother’s estate plan. He’s wondering if he should have shared the details, or if he was right to keep his grandmother’s confidence. 

So, did he make the right move?

A secret about an inheritance causes family conflict

The Redditor explained that he spent a good amount of time with his grandmother because she bought him horror novels and he read them to her twice a week.

During their afternoons together, the Redditor’s grandmother confessed that she did not plan to leave an inheritance to her children — including the poster’s uncle. While she’d be setting up a college fund for her cousin, she was going to leave the rest of her funds to charity in part because the uncle had lost a ton of money gambling.

After the grandmother’s death, the truth was revealed and the uncle was upset. He felt he should have inherited and he asked the poster if the poster knew of Grandma’s plans. When the poster admitted he did, the uncle got mad.  The uncle said he should have been told, as learning the truth after his mother was gone was more hurtful than if he had been warned. 

Should the Redditor have told his Uncle what was coming?

In this particular case, the Reddit poster was clearly 100% in the right. He should absolutely not have betrayed his grandmother’s confidence and told his uncle the truth about her plans for her inheritance.

Parents do not owe their children money after they pass away and they also don’t have to disclose the details of their estate to anyone. Since the grandmother chose to confide in the poster, the grandmother obviously trusted her grandchild and wanted someone to talk to.

It would have been awful and not only ruined their relationship but also likely ruined the relationship between the grandmother and uncle if the Reddit user had shared this information without his grandmother’s permission. The uncle might have pressured his mother to do something she did not want or might have treated her differently during the last period of her life and caused her to die while dealing with family conflict. 

The uncle may not know it, but the Redditor also did him a favor. Sure, he’s upset and he has hurt feelings — but he didn’t take out his anger on his aging mother or say things that he might have regretted before she died.  Once he has time to reflect on the issue with a clear head, he may still be sore about the fact he didn’t get the money, but he’ll hopefully be glad that he didn’t have a huge fight with his mother during the time she had left. 

Ultimately, inheritance issues like this are tricky for everyone involved. Those who are creating an estate plan should stay true to their own wishes, though, and should get the appropriate help from a financial advisor and an estate planning lawyer to ensure they leave the legacy that they want, even if that is not necessarily the one their family wants them to leave.