1. Adagio Teas It’s…Bacon!
The self-described “small but nimble family-owned” Adagio Teas company makes a bacon-flavored tea that involves no bacon, not even some artificial essence. It’s based on the fact that Lapsang Souchong tea, grown in China’s Fujian Province, is notoriously smoky in character — to the point that it is sometimes called “smoked tea.” Apparently worried that Lapsang Souchong wasn’t smoky enough, Adagio blended it with black tea, apples, caramel and caramel apple flavors, and cinnamon bark to amplify the effect, and bestowed upon the results that magical word, “Bacon!” Now maybe some artisanal bacon-maker will produce a bacon called “Lapsang Souchong!”
2. Archie McPhee Bacon Candy Canes
Nothing says Christmas like a dancing pig label and red-and-white-striped meat candy laced with artificial bacon flavor, right? If you agree with that assessment, you might want to fill out your holiday gift list with other Archie McPhee bacon-themed products, including an ornament, a scarf, gift wrap, lip balm, dental floss, and even an “extra manly” bacon-scented false moustache.
3. Bacon Hot Sauce
Hot sauce is pretty good with bacon and eggs, and some have been known to add it to a BLT or grilled cheese and bacon sandwich. If your hot sauce comes already enhanced with bacon (or at least with “natural flavor” that mimics it), though, why would you need the bacon itself? And you know you want the bacon.
4. Bakon Vodka
Produced by Seattle-based Black Rock Spirits (the company’s other brand is Sparkle Donkey Tequila), Bakon Vodka is a potato-based spirit, redistilled with a bacon infusion. Its porky flavor is said to enhance Bloody Marys. Maybe so. And maybe, as the Bakon website claims, mixing savory ingredients with alcohol is a time-honored practice (the company cites 17th-century savory ales). But if you want meat in your cocktail, why not just order that popular Mad Men-era cocktail, the Bullshot — vodka with beef bouillon or consommé, spiked with a dash or two of Worcestershire sauce and sometimes Tabasco. Sounds weird? It is. So maybe think twice about vodka with cured, smoked meat.
5. Bones Coffee Co. Maple Bacon Coffee
Perusing the Bones Coffee Co. product line might make your teeth ache. Flavored coffee is nothing new, but French toast, salted caramel, strawberry cheesecake, white Russian, bananas Foster, peanut butter and jelly? And, er, maple bacon? Just plain coffee boasts some of the best, most complex flavors in the world. It doesn’t need this kind of help.